It's never any fun when you start to suspect your partner of messing around. No matter who does the deed, cheating has wreaked havoc on many on a once-wonderful union. If you're starting to think it's happening to you, these signs will either allay your fears or confirm the worst. But before accusations and paranoia start flying around, just remember one very boring but very important thing: a beautiful relationship is built on trust, honesty, and freedom. So when you're not sure, talk to her, and give her the benefit of the doubt.
1. Its no longer we
We adore independent women. Their independence is their right, its part of what we fell in love with, and its important to anyones sanity. If youre a couple who have always used we, though, and shes now starting to say you and I, its a subtle yet clear message that youre no longer the rock-solid union you used to be. She no longer thinks in terms of the two of you together, which might mean that shes thinking in terms of someone else entirely.
2. She picks and picks at everything you do
Want to know how to make breaking up with someone a little bit easier? Just tell yourself that youre in the right. People who are cheating on their partners, or are about to break up with them, will often find the slightest faults in every little thing that the other person says or does. Its partly guilt, and partly a natural defense mechanism to make themselves feel better for their actions.
3. Shes acting like a GPS tracker
Theres a number one trick to cheating: dont get caught. The easiest way to do this, of course, is to make sure your partner is never there to see you in the act. Which is why all of a sudden shes started to be really interested in where youre going to be during the day, at what time, and for how long. Its so she can make absolutely certain she wont be there too.
4. Shes avoiding your questions
Whats that? she shouts over the timely clatter of washing up. Just gotta go to the store, she says, cutting you off mid-sentence. Not now, The Bachelors on just as you are about to lay bare your heart. Sounds familiar? Time to start digging.
5. Shes staying late at work. A lot.
Business trips, office parties, tight project deadlines if these start to pop-up more and more often, theres definitely something up. Especially if shes just a pool lifeguard. But seriously, its one of the classic cheating symptoms, and is either 100% true or 100% false. Luckily, its fairly easy to check.
6. Shes throwing smoke bombs
We cant be too upset about this one its straight out of the cheating-dude playbook. Basically, if you dont want anyone to start questioning your activities, you start throwing down enough accusations and misdirections to distract them and make them focus on something else. It could be anything from making drama out of nothing, to wild and uncharacteristically irrational gestures. A classic man-move, and well played.
7. Shes not sharing with you
Cheating isnt just restricted to the physical act. Sometimes, forming an intense emotional bond with someone else can be just as dangerous, and ultimately just as heartbreaking. And how do these kinds of bonds form? By opening up to someone else. If shes not sharing her highs, lows, and in-betweens with you, trust us shes sharing them with someone else. Hopefully for you theyre just a friend.
8. She cant commit
The old cliché about women wanting commitment and men running away isnt just for Hollywood rom-coms its quite often true. But if youre a long-term kind of guy, youll find an unfaithful partner will quickly turn those tables. Now she doesnt want to talk about the future, or commit to sticking around. She could have somewhere else in mind.
9. Youve cheated on her
We dont want to start pointing fingers here, but if youve ever cheated on her, theres a good chance and good reason that she might return the favor. Its not revenge, really. Its more the fact that any infidelity will damage a relationship, and unless its repaired then it will be open to more pain.
10. Her friends list is full of strange new people
Any social butterfly or worker in a big company will constantly be making new friends. And theres nothing wrong with having some fresh faces and people to hang out with. But generally, if theres new people who seem to take up a lot of her time (and news feed), and theres no explanation or invitation to meet them, youve got a reason to get suspicious.
11. The bedrooms now just for sleeping
Unless youve been married for forty years, no intimate relationship is complete without a healthy sex life. Sure, they slow down and get into a rut over time, but that doesnt mean youre still not enjoying each others bodies. But if the interest stops dead were talking flat out refusal, night after night theres either a more serious relationship problem or shes getting her kicks somewhere else. Either one could be a symptom or a cause, and either one spells out T-R-O-U-B-L-E.
12. Shes not gazing dreamily into your eyes
Eyes. The doorway into the soul. As The Eagles knew, if youre lyin, you cant hide it in your eyes. And its true they really do say a lot more than slippery words ever can. Does she no longer meet yours? When she talks to you, are they smiling, or glazed over? Or are they flitting about the bar, looking for a better match?
13. Her phones getting more love than you are
This is how do we put it more of a global problem than one just restricted to cheaters. Everyone these days is ignoring everyone else in order to pretend to talk to everyone else. Its a strange situation when four people together in a bar are spending their time silently and furiously messaging people who arent in the bar, but youre not alone, buddy. If shes doing it while youre trying to have a romantic picnic, it might be time to literally and metaphorically pack things up whether or not shes cheating.
14. Youre seeing less and less of her
Do you remember the time that you didnt need an appointment to see her? When the two of you could hang out, with no prior planning or need to be anywhere? If its still like that, then congratulations shes a keeper. But if its proving frustratingly hard to find a spare spontaneous second with your lady, then shes either got a lot on her plate right now, or shes found another way to spend her quality time.
15. Shes starting to really bring up relationship problems
Communication is the key to every successful relationship, but sometimes it can be a double-edged sword. If she tells you that shes unhappy with the relationship, for example, its usually a sign that something needs to change. But it also could be a thick hint that shes justifying something (or someone!) that shes done, or soon to do. Theres only one way to find out, unfortunately keep talking.
16. Her Fitbit is getting a workout
This is a weird one, and were going to say upfront that its probably not a totally, 100%, reliable indicator. But studies performed by the UCLA have found that women who are looking for new partners walk around more than women who arent. Theres no explanation, really, except that they might be trying to lose weight. Which could be for your sake too, we suppose.
17. Shes had a big makeover
If youve been dating for a while, its understandable that things might get comfortable. Where once she might have worn flashy new clothes and the latest accessories to impress you, now shes into ratty old pajamas and bed hair. So if shes suddenly dressing special again, it might not be intended for you. Unfortunately, shes probably trying to catch someone elses eye.
18. Shes started to hide her phone
Not just her phone, either, but her computer and diary too. Often its the simplest signs that are the most obvious. Has she changed her passwords recently? Is she quickly closing browser tabs when you enter the room, like a teenager looking up dirty pics? To be fair, she could be in the process of doing some grand and secretive romantic gesture, like buying you that Jaguar you always wanted. On the other hand, she could be having an affair.
19. She gets defensive
Were pretty sure we saw this on an episode of Law & Order. Theres one surefire way to tell if a suspect is guilty: if instead of getting angry, they get defensive. Now, were not suggesting that you start a cross-examination here, but if your simple questions start to get wildly defensive responses, it could be time to start digging a little deeper.
20. Theres some new sexy underwear
When theres a chance that the night will turn hot and heavy, some women dont want to be caught out wearing any old underwear. Its not just for the guys sexy underwear will make them feel hotter and more desirable. If you spot a few pairs of lacy new things in the drawer (and youre sure theyre not to spice up your relationship), its a good sign that shes expecting to get frisky in another bedroom.
21. She no longer wants to see your family and friends
When a relationship melts down, your family and mutual friends are often caught in the crossfire. Often they have to take sides, or try and console both parties, or are simply witnesses to some uncomfortable secrets. No-one wants to involve the people you love into things like that, so if shes pulling away from them, it could be a hint that shes ready to split.
22. She doesnt care anymore
Men all over the world will complain about their partners and their so-called nagging. At every turn, they feel like shes making the biggest fusses over the tiniest detail, like being there when your child is born. But look at it the other way. What if she didnt care at all? When every one of your mistakes doesnt even raise an eyebrow, maybe its trouble. Maybe shes moved on to something more worthwhile.
23. Youre the clingy one
This is the ultimate vicious circle of relationships: the more insecure and clingy you get, the more theyll pull away, and the more youll try to hold on. Its the delicate balance we all face, especially if were confronted with the thought that they might be cheating. If youre insecure, they might back away and start actually cheating. If youre not, they might think they can walk all over you. But your brain has a fine-tuned sensor if youre starting to feel clingy when youre usually not, chances are theres something wrong.
24. She keeps going missing
If its been a month since you heard from her last, its fair to say that its probably over. Even if its just a few days at a time with no word and no explanation, its still looking a little suss. Not that you have to know where she is at all times. But if shes the type thats glued to her phone, and youre not getting any of the updates? Put up those Missing posters.
25. Her plans dont include you
When youve stopped getting invitations from her to far-off dates like weddings and birthdays, theres three possible reasons. Either your jokes have been terrible lately, or no-one in the world is having a birthday, or shes planning to dump you. Or a fourth, even more terrible, option: its slipped her mind because shes busy daydreaming about some other stud.